Left 4 Dead is my perfect game. There, I said it. It has everything I need for the ultimate video game experience. Zombies, shotguns, fire, pills. Everything a growing boy needs. Since it first came out last November I have logged over 53,595 zombie kills in countless Campaign, Versus and Survival games. I simply love this game.
But.
I must address something.
What the ever-lovin’ fuck were they thinking when they created this retarded, useless matchmaking system? As much as I love this game, it can take me hours before I find a decent group and even more hours before I actually finish a fucking game. It’s a non-stop cavalcade of crap consisting of quitters, losers, asshats and… silent asshats.
The problem stems from the complete lack of any “matchmaking”. No matches are being made, they are simply grabbing meat and throwing it into the pile. There is no “ranking” system to speak of, no rewards for good behaviour and no penalties for bad, unsportsmanlike or just downright idiotic play.
Here is what they need to do to fix the online play: Ranking System. It’s simple. Actually take a few lines of code and keep track of player statistics. Good players will float to the top, while bad players can run off the sides of buildings together and then all quit. I won’t be low enough on the ranking scale to care.
Ever watch that little “You saved Soandso” pop up on the left side of your screen? Ever wonder why they bother to take not of something that has absolutely zero effect on your game? Why not use that to reward players that consistently go back for people, rescue them from smokers, hunters, or even guard them while they’re covered in sweet sweet Boomer goo. Multiple “saves” could increase your player’s status as a “Good Egg” in the Left 4 Dead-verse.
Conversely…
If you constantly jump into a level, shoot everyone in the safe room and then run screaming into the open like some kind of zombie amuse bouche, you should be marked down on the L4D scoresheet. Players who rage quit in the middle of a level should also be punished, severely. There’s nothing worse than waiting three hours for a decent game only to have everyone puss out just because you got past the tank unscathed. You’re losing? So what. Players who quit early lose rank, however players who stay even on a losing team can still earn save points, kill points, and survival points.
Oh so you see where I’m going with this?
“Save Points” are like badges, earned whenever you help someone out. Healing could be worth extra, too, since giving up a health pack is a quality team spirit moment for all.
“Kill Points”, nuff said. Probably not worth as much as SP, but add up over time killing all those Infected. Special Infected worth double. Tanks and Witches even more.
“Survival Points” are awarded for finishing a level alive, win or lose. More points can be awarded for finishing a level with all four people, just like the team score.
Somehow add up these ‘points’ and you get a rank. People who work as a team, kill lots of zombies and get to the finish line will rise up. Once you get a certain score you will increase to the next level. Give them fun names like ‘Zombie Slayer’, ‘Bad Ass Mutha’ and ‘Sarah Polley’ and let people display them proudly.
But wait, there’s more!
What good is a ranking system if you don’t make people stick to it. If you are going into the public lobby, you will be automatically matched up with someone of your skill and put into a game. No more endless waits in the lobby, watching people poke their heads in and leave two seconds later. I won’t even bother to list the games that do this part of the process well (*cough* Halo 3), it’s not a hard concept to execute. If you give people the option to be floaty indecisive assholes, chances are they are already taking a dump on your car.
With the release of Left 4 Dead 2 this November, I have little hope that any of the following issues will be resolved. But let it be said that…it…was…said!
