Yes folks, they haven’t been doing this until now. – or rather they won’t be doing it until July 1st.

I find the timing interesting because I have been complaining about this to the sandwich “artists” for years, and had only recently given up caring about it (– that’s right, there’s 50 million plus litres of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. So until the new season of American Idol starts, this is what I care about). However, even more recently I had decided to swear off Subway altogether, so this new optimized cheese will go completely unappreciated.

As an avid (*cough* overweight) consumer of pre-processed, reheated, quickly-served (one might call “fast”) food products, I have noticed that the quality of meats is getting worse. In fact, in the past 5 years I’ve noticed that certain restaurants that tout themselves as the “healthy” choice are now falling prey to the “cheap meat” demon. Subway “Restaurants” is one of them.

I understand that they have margins to uphold, stockholders to please, and supply chains to adhere to, but you expect a certain level of quality above that of what is served to dogs. As some book once said, if you lay your house on sand, occasionally things go poorly. One might call it “foolish” to say, make a sandwich with inferior meat—oh WAIT.

I have been enjoying the Subway “Steak & Cheese” (cum “Southwest Steak & Cheese” cum “Cheesesteak”) sub since the first Subway opened in Orleans in 1993. I have refined the toppings to create what can only be called “the greatest edible sensation since Jesus”: Lettuce, Green Peppers and Onions topped with BBQ sauce, Southwest Sauce (since 2000 or so), and one line of hot sauce.

It is simply completely beyond all reason to ask a person with this level of appreciation for steak not to notice the steady decline in meat quality. Since the first time I stole money from my stepfather to pay for Subway, I have always taken time to honour my meat. Unfortunately a wonderful lunch sandwich containting nice, full cuts of steak has slowly descended into a mushy, shredded, mess. Oh sure most people still appreciate the fresh bread, but this is steak we’re talking about people.

As with most disasters, it started slowly before it really got bad. It started by simply making the pieces of steak smaller and thinner. Then, in probably the most obvious move, they stopped adding the little green onions to the steak. From there it was a slow steady decline to this disgusting, rancid meat I wouldn’t feed to that kid in The Road (f*** you I read the book three years ago!). The consistency of my latest Subway experience resembled something I have come to expect from places like Taco Bell. A hot, salty mess.

The chicken, while always having been that pressed/recombinated “chicken product”, is now a much slimier, lesser pressed/recombinated “chicken product”. They used to shape like a real cutlet and put fake grill marks on, just in case you weren’t sure what it was. Now it’s like they’re not even trying. It’s just this rubbery, white, mass, with a few black marks. It’s flavourless, cheap, disgusting “meat”.

So I now have to add Subway to the list of Restaurants in the “I know that if I eat this I am going to shit for three hours” category, right up there with the aforementioned Taco Bell, KFC (aka “Dirty Bird”), McDonalds…Burger King, Arby’s, White Castle & PF Changs (despite never having eaten at either)…and Pizza Hut. While appreciate their finally seeing reason when it comes to the layout of their cheese product, I can’t digest whatever it is they call “meat”.

Then, it gets better. They took away my @rogers.com email address. The one I’ve had for years. The one everyone knows. Fine, no big deal. I expected this. But the part that gets me is my email address vanished the day after I cancelled my home internet service. Thanks, Rogers. But when do I stop paying for the internet? Oh, the end of the month?!?! Why thank you. Forgive me while I plot to dump my Rogers phone as soon as possible. That’s right. I pay for an internet-enabled cell phone plus a 3G data plan and I am not entitled to my own name as an email address!

Way to go, Rogers! Winning over customers by screwing them at every opportunity.

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I just sent this email to my hosting provider. I can’t see them replying.

I can’t log in to the web panel. I have lost my Rogers.com email account when I moved, and I could not log in using my address. I thought it was my bad memory, and I think in my haste to figure out my login email I triggered the “forgot password” thing and now my password is reset? Awkward. So how can I verify that I am who I say I am? My account is ###### and I have been a DH customer for over two years. My phone is (###) ###-####. I have had three addresses over the past 2 years so I have no idea which one. It is either ######, ######, or perhaps #######. Or it may even be older than that. Anyway. My new main email is ############. Thanks.

*facepalm*

1. You people can’t drive!!!

Why can’t anyone in this fucking city drive properly!!?! It’s insane! No one, and I mean NO ONE signals for a lane change, ever. What the fuck, Montreal? Did you all get together and agree that you would just randomly skip around from lane to lane without notifying anyone around you? Where does that become a good idea? You run every yellow and a good portion of the time I see people running reds! (I have noticed the yellow lights take a lot longer than in Ottawa…gee I wonder why…) There is no respect for the proper right of way, either. People just do whatever the fuck they want and it’s up to you to not hit them. Stop signs are just recommendations. Yielding is for the weak. Apparently the best way to drive through Montreal is just to ignore all the other cars and do whatever you feel like. If you took away everyone’s licence that demonstrated this kind of erratic idiotic driving behaviour, there would be no one on the road!

2. Roads should not be an amusement park ride.

Seriously, Montreal, for all the closed routes, construction detours and forty-billion pylons everywhere, why is every fucking road an uneven, potholed piece of shit? You literally can’t go five blocks without running into a road construction project, and yet I feel like I’m on a fucking rollercoaster ride I didn’t need or want. Almost every single road I have been on is universally fucked. And can you paint the fucking lines once in a while? I have yet to see a properly delineated stop line on any road.

3. Sign, sign everywhere a sign

I don’t know who does the signage for the city of Montreal, but they are cleaning up! There are signs everywhere! Multiple stop signs are very common, with up to three at one intersection—maybe Quebecers only stop if there’s more than one stop sign? But despite having a bazillion signs, most of them contradict one another! One sign will tell you “Left turn, this lane only” but the next sign is like “No actually it’s this lane” and the sign after that (literally one block down) is like “Nah I’m just fucking with you, you can take either lane.” I already have Ontario plates, do I really need to make myself stand out more by switching lanes four hundred times a minute? And what’s up with the blue “tourist” markers? Are the numbers next to the names like distances? Exit numbers? Prayers needed to find it? Because there are several times when the number goes from like 3 to 1 to 8 in just two blocks! Make up your mind, asshole!

4. What road are we on, anyway?

Why does every road in Montreal have so many fucking names? There’s almost always two route “numbers”, then a proper name, and then the road the locals call it! “Metropolitaine” is known as highway #25 and #40? “Jean Lesage” is highway 20 and 132!? You may think it has a good reason behind it, but I think it’s fucking bullshit. There are even some instances of one road having different route numbers for different directions! Not 98-N and 98-S but like 134 going North and 38 going South! That is just stupid. Almost all directions in Google tell you to take one route number or another, but the signs never have that number! So you end up missing your turn or taking the wrong one. How does anyone get anywhere in this town? Trial and error?

5. Where the- What the- FFFFFFUUUUUUUU….

Who the fuck designed this goddamn road system, anyway? Almost every single route we take involves at least one double-back dipsee-doodle bullshit detour that’s completely unnecessary. I understand that in a city as old as Ville Marie there will be a certain amount of one-ways and odd angles but this shit is retarded! A city’s road system should be simple and straightforward, with large highways leading to main roads which lead to smaller roads. In Montreal, tiny sideroads lead to the highways, main avenues lead to twisted back alleys and almost every highway just turns around on itself! Miss a turn? No problem! Just keep going straight and eventually you’ll circle back around. I have a fucking GPS and I can’t navigate this city!

As a person raised in the West by Judeo-Christian folk, I don’t know many Muslims, and the media only shows the most extreme/radical reactions to things like the current South Park controversy.

I would like to know from some moderate Muslims, how do you feel about seeing pictures of your prophet all over the internet as a result of this issue? Does this truly offend you? Do you think Allah will punish these people? Do you support the threats of violence and intimidation that is the result of a simple picture of your holy prophet?

Personally I believe that the right to Free Speech should trump the right not to have to see a “depiction” (not photo, not accurate descriptive drawing, but a picture of a man and the word “Mohammed” next to it) of someone who lived 1400 years ago. However, I am also not interested in pissing off peaceful moderate Muslims if it truly offends them. I just want a fairly good argument why I shouldn’t before I make it my Facebook photo.

This is my final attempt to express to Rogers that I am unhappy with your services, and I feel that I have exhausted all other avenues of complaint. Your customer service is pathetic, your website doesn’t work, and when I try to get you to correct a mistake you made, I am treated as coldly and distantly as if I haven’t been giving you hundreds of dollars a month for over a decade. I have tried (in vain) to try to express to Rogers that I am tired of being treated like a revenue stream instead of a human being. Your policies, packages and customer service seem fully geared to maximize revenue and minimize human satisfaction.

This did not happen over night, or over one single incident. I have been a dissatisfied customer for almost TWO YEARS. Before, I was a good-standing customer with over $400 a month being spent on all four of your core services: HDPVR+Movie Network, Ultimate Internet, iPhone+DataPlan AND Home Phone. Now I have just one service, my iPhone. My contract expires in 2011 and at this point I am seriously considering paying to get out now, except that my principles won’t allow me to pay extra money when YOU are at fault.

My descent into this madness happened when I added – that’s right added – some cable channels to my package. “Somehow” (that is the official explanation given), this generated an automatic credit check which they told me wasn’t supposed to happen, yet could not reverse (but at least they said they were sorry). Because my bill was overdue at the time (I was unemployed at the time and my previous payment was late) you placed me in the “high risk” category. Then a credit limit MAGICALLY appeared (according to your CS people it was automatic and they could not remove it). Now I understand you can’t have people running around with huge unpaid balances, but you set my limit to…$400. Which was LESS than my MONTHLY BILL. How is than an intelligent move?

Here’s where it gets absurd, on a level I have never encountered before. The credit limit is applied against my “current” balance, not when it’s actually due. Let’s just go over that again. The charge isn’t DUE. I don’t even have a BILL mailed to me yet. I don’t KNOW I owe you this money, it’s just “in the system”. So without knowing it or even being aware my services would be automatically cut off EVERY SINGLE MONTH, just for monthly recurring charges for REGULAR SERVICES. After several months of having to make last-minute credit card payments over the phone just to get my phone services restored, I thought I had the system figured out. But wait, it gets worse!

As previously stated, as soon as a charge is put into the system it counts against my credit limit. But this applies to “extra” fees such as long distance calls and PPV movies, too! So on more than one occasion a long-distance phone call has caused me to creep over the limit and BAM, phone gets cut off, please phone Rogers. This is RIDICULOUS. I PAY MY BILLS. You are punishing me for using the very services you provide! This leads me to have to call your CS department(s) constantly, which in itself is a stupid, frustrating process.

“Customer Service” (very loose quotations) at Rogers is a nightmare. The automated phone system is a joke. I have NEVER even once gotten to the department that I actually needed. Then I have to endure transfer after transfer, as none of your HUMAN staff seem to be able to get me to the department I actually need either. It is not uncommon to be transferred four or five different times before finally reaching the person that can do the simple task I am calling for! No one seems to ever know where to transfer me, yet everyone always promises that the next transfer will be the leap that finally gets me home. After waiting on hold and then telling the new person all of my verification information - AGAIN – I am told “No, sorry, wrong department” and placed back into the cue. The last time I called to change my address it took over 90 minutes. Do you really think that is an acceptable amount of time to do something so trivial? When I get frustrated and ask to speak to a manager, I’m told that the person I’m speaking to IS the manager. Really? Every time? Come on, even I know that trick. It’s dishonest and unfitting of a corporation of your size.

The best part of my calls to CS are when they try to plug the website so I don’t have to call them. Your website is a joke; a very broken, frustrating joke. I can’t change my address, I can’t change my wireless plan, I can’t even do basic functions. It’s almost comically dysfunctional. I HAVE added accounts to my online profile. I’m LOOKING at it on the screen. Why tell me I can change my account settings and then TELL ME IT’S NOT REGISTERED. This is BASIC user functionality that should have been working from the start. The end result is that EVERY SINGLE FUNCTION that I have tried to do on MyRogers has failed, and I am again forced to again call your incompetent customer service. A company as large as Rogers should make sure that before their representatives push something, they should verify that they can actually use it!

These are just a few stellar examples of the incompetence and greed that seems to be the hallmarks of Rogers. I am beyond upset, I am outraged. But despite my expressing my unhappiness to every single person I have ever spoken to at Rogers, no one seems to be able to do anything about it. I want out. I want out NOW. But, alas, I have a contract to fulfil or cancel, and I refuse to pay to get out on principle. YOU are the problem, why should I pay extra to be free of you? It’s like paying a bully to stop beating me.

I hope that some day a competent person will contact me and actually help me, but I’m not going to count on it. For now I continue to whittle away at my services, contented only in knowing that by June 2011 my bill will finally reach zero. I know you don’t care about $400 a month (obviously since you’ve done everything in your power to make me want to leave), but to me that is a significant amount of money and I expect some reasonable service level for that level. It will be nice to never again have to hear automated phone personality “Jeff” tell me it doesn’t understand what I’m asking for. I wanted “customer service”, but I guess it doesn’t know what that is? It seems very appropriate, as none of your human employees know what customer service is either.

“Oooh! InDesign Templates!”

As the title suggests, “PDF to Book” tells me a few key details. First, I will be supplying a PDF. But to what specifications? And thus, the rabbit hole opens. Perhaps I—like 99% of my fellow “humans”–only read like three words and click on the most suitable link. It sickens me sometimes when I fall into the behaviour patterns of a “user” and I forget to read things. Six PDF uploads in I finally figured out the whole convoluted sizing system. My templates kept exporting at the wrong size, then I realized I had the wrong export settings. The “designer” in me weeps…then reads the darn readme files (RTFM, I hear you!), and I finally put it all together.

And thus, the product

So this is just a first test run, I am still waiting on my order. Who knows what it will end up looking like. I know I submitted high-res CMYK PDF files, and they looked at least okay when I sent it to them. I will update with the results in about two weeks or so. For now, BUY THIS BOOK:

(Really? People using random statistics to make huge claims in their favour? Who would do such a thing?)

The original study where this oft-cited statistic comes from is a 1997 survey by Denise Golumbaski (link) They asked 93,112 people in the U.S. prison system what their chosen religion was. Out of this, 74,731 (80%) gave some response, and the rest are listed as “unknown/no response”. A total of 156 people chose the specific response of “Atheist”, out of the total 93,112. An accurate conclusion would be that—according to a 1997 study—only 0.168% of prisoners identify themselves expressly as “Atheist”.

How does this compare to the overall U.S. population? There is no one survey that will give you all the necessary data, and most surveys don’t make a clear distinction between “non-religious/unknown/don’t care” and “Atheist”. If you simply grab the first “Unaffiliated/No Religion” number, you will get the 8–20% statistic that is normally used. Using a 2007 Pew Research Center study (link) you can see where the mistake comes from: 16.1% of respondents labelled themselves as “unaffiliated”, but only 1.6% chose to identify themselves as “Atheist”. This is far less condemning for Religion, by a factor of ten.

You can’t have it both ways. You either take both “Atheist” figures (0.168% prison vs. 1.6% overall) or both “Non-Religious” numbers (20% vs. 16%). And before either side goes “Ah HA! Look there are more [non-]religious people in prison!”, you have to understand these surveys have completely different categories and were taken a decade apart. You cannot compare every religion because the ones listed vary wildly from survey to survey. However, even with these badly-sourced numbers, one must admit that the relationship between the prison population and the overall population is far less earth-shattering than first gleaned:

There are a few anomalies worth nothing but again, you have to look beyond the raw statistics. Islam is actually one of the fastest-growing religions inside of prisons, so this does not take into consideration what religion they were when they actually committed the crime (which is what we’re really trying to prove here, isn’t it?).

I think it’s important to look at what people actually do, not what they say. Organized religion believes that if you are good on earth, you will go to Heaven. Logic would posit that people who are religious would want to do less bad things, leading to a smaller number of inmates who are religious. However, when one examines the statistics, it appears that people who are religious are just as likely to commit crimes as anyone else. Perhaps the question of morality has very little to do with one’s chosen spiritual path and more to do with a personal history, financial situation and one’s own unique moral compass.

In the end these statistics actually don’t prove anything, for either side. There doesn’t appear to be a proper, current, comprehensive study on religiosity and incarceration in America. What we need is a study designed to corroborate several key data points: Religious preference (including separate responses for “Atheist”, “Agnostic” and “Non-Religious/Don’t Know/Don’t Care”), Age, Religion of Birth (Again, most Muslims in prison were not born Muslim), and Crime/Sentence (What would happen if we learned that 50% of murderers were Atheist? Or 92% of rapists were Catholic?). Until we have a specific, targeted study done, the  ”Good without God” argument remains open for debate.

The amount of effort the developers went into the galactic history is outstanding. There are at least two dozen races, each with its own history and politics carefully woven into the backstory. There are no throwaway races or strange creatures just there for random shots in a cantina scene. Each race has its part to play and a role to fill, from the all-female blue tentacled Asari to the hilariously deadpan Elcor. Each NPC you come across has interesting and unique dialogue that expands on the characteristics of each race. As you go through the game you see how the different races act and treat each other, which adds so much to the immersion level. Being able to pick your own dialogue options personalizes your game, sucking your even further in. The “Good” and “Evil” options are back, and let you shape your character to match your personality, though most of the “Evil” choices are still mostly just you being a dick.

If you finished Mass Effect 1, you can actually import your character and pick up right where you left off, even taking into account which of the several endings you achieved. Watching ‘Victoria Shepard’ walk onto the screen for the first time in over a year brought back all kinds of warm fuzzy memories of late nights playing the first game. Then they blow up your ship and hurl you into the icy black vacuum of space. From there it only gets better as you catch up on the past two years of galactic turmoil. The story in this game is the best feature of this series, and so far ME2 does not disappoint.

That isn’t to say that Mass Effect was a game without flaws. On the contrary, the wonderful story was marred by clunky third-person action, the awful inventory management system, and some absolutely painful load “scenes” involving you just standing around listening to musak, unable to move. Those elevator rides actually made me change the order I did quests, because I didn’t want to have to endure another long loading scene. Luckily, most of these issues have been addressed. The action seems more fluid, and the ‘cover’ system actually works pretty well, resulting in only a few battle injuries from not being able to “stick” to cover.

Inventory management? What inventory management? The first game had too much going on. Thousands of unique items, guns, and upgrades, all completely customizable for each of your characters. I would get lost in the pages upon pages of add-ons and crap it was barely usable. For this instalment, however, you actually don’t do much of anything. Guns are quite rare, like I’m 5 hours into the game and I have received one new gun, and it’s a pistol. You then simply assign that model to each character and off you go. No need to purchase one for each person, and upgrades apply universally to all teammates automatically. I don’t even think you manage armour any more, you just purchase tech upgrades for it.

The first game had a unique take on the whole ‘ammo’ thing; you had unlimited ammo, but your gun would overheat after so many shots. ME2 has implemented the concept of ‘thermal clips’. So you still have unlimited ammo, but in order to fire at all you need to have thermal clips. The clips are supposed to be universal, but you can’t transfer clips between guns once picked up, and you can only carry so many clips per gun. So my amazing sniper rifle has a grand total of TEN FUCKING SHOTS, resulting a lot of battles where the first wave of enemies are killed no problem, and then I run in with a fucking pistol trying to recover some more sniper ammo. This. Is. Bullshit! I see what they’re trying to do, but it’s a little TOO simplistic.

Oh, and they’ve changed the way you navigate through space. Instead of looking at the map, picking a destination, and then flying there, you now need to FLY YOURSELF. Like using the joystick. Like the same was as in the game Asteroids. I’m the god-dammed Captain, why the fuck am I flying around manually? You can’t even zoom out your view to see a whole system or stellar cluster, costing you time and fuel just trying to figure out where the fuck you are. This is one of only two instances where the first game is actually better. I keep flying past my destination (thanks inertia!…asshole…) and using all my fuel. Which reminds me, how come the first ship had no need for refuelling? I’m sure it’s explained in the backstory (everything else is), but I see it for what it is: stupid.

There seems to be a bit of “Goldilocks Syndrome” going on here. The first game was ambitious and groundbreaking, but a little too bloated in certain areas. The second instalment has a little too much stripped away, but replaced in certain places by just more mindless bullshit (Manually scanning planet surfaces? Go eat a dick!). I’m hoping Mass Effect 3 balances them to make at least one ‘perfect’ game. Then I hope they go back and re-release all three games as a trilogy with the upgraded graphics and perfected game mechanics. Then I can spend the next 40 years of my life playing through repeatedly, trying to get every ending using both good and bad characters.

Rating: 5/5

Yes, it’s a big iPod Touch. It’s a very big, fancy, shiny, iPod Touch. There’s no disputing that fact. It has some glaring shortcomings (No USB port? And where the hell is the camera? Seriously even the iPod Nano has one of those!), but if he had announced a “MacBook Tablet” that had video, widescreen, USB, SD slot etc etc, the price point would have started at no less than $1,000. Then what? Instead of bitching about the “underwhelming” iPad, there would be outcries of “it’s too expensive! We can’t afford this amazing device!” The Internet monster is never happy.

You did this to yourself, Internet. For more than a decade the online community has been speculating about the possible features, specs, and design. What would it look like? What would it do? How many buttons would it have? On paper (or…on internet), the Apple Tablet was going to be the most amazing piece of digital hardware ever conceived by man. It was going to reunite families, cure Cancer and tell you what phase the Moon was on your birthday. Oh and it would be made from unicorn hair, powered by wishes and make grape soda, too!

One thing the online community didn’t take into consideration (one thing the Internet almost never takes into consideration…) was this unfortunate condition known as Reality. Sure, it’s nice to say that the Apple Tablet simply must have a camera both in front and back, but you don’t have to cram it into a super-thin, 1.5 pound piece of aluminum and glass, do you? NO. The slackjawed, hairy-palmed denizens of the Internet can simply sit behind their webcams and post Youtube videos about what it should have been. No thought or consideration to the fact that the device is essentially just a toy for middle-aged affluent tech-whores and will likely not become a major seller for Apple (Macbook Air, anyone?).

I admit it, there is nothing spectacular about an oversized iPod Touch. I was hoping for at least one killer feature (Video chat? More than one freaking app at a time? Are you listening, Apple?). I’m sure they will roll out one or two new features for the iPad 2, forcing everyone to do another round of hype, anticipation, expectation and then consolation. If the reclusive, unwashed masses of the Interwebs would stop frothing at the mouth for two seconds, they would see that the intended market for this device is netbook/e-ink readers. In this respect, the iPad completely destroys the competition in most respects. Who wants a black & white Kindle when you can have an iPad for almost the same price? Go ahead, I’ll wait while you compare the specs.

See? Now shut up and go buy an iPad already.
You know you’re going to anyway.

Ed. Note: Contrary to popular belief. I will not be purchasing an iPad. It doesn’t run OS X, so I can’t work on it, and I already have an iPhone and a laptop. Personally, I’d rather have a new MacBook Pro (*hintity hint hint*)

I hereby declare:

• I reserve the right to swear, curse, defame, or besmirch as much I want. (Fuck yeah!)
• Everything I say is my opinion and it’s my bloody right to say it. (If you don’t like it, my opinion is that you can go fuck yourself)
• I will offend (Guaranteed!)

That’s all I can think of right now. I guess this website has been down since June 2006, so like 3.5 years? Yikes. I’ve decided that the website will never be officially “finished”, so I’m just going to add/change features as I see fit. First thing will be the design, that has to change. The “Photos” panel above was always supposed to be temporary. That will be upgraded to something more awesome in the near future. Also, when I decide what “style” the illustrations should be (needs to be something I can do quickly and easily and still easily produce a web file…ideas?)…I’ll start getting busy with the drawrings.

Oh yeah, and fix the damn Twitter feed. I don’t know nearly enough code to pull that off properly? I’m a Designer that Codes, not a Coder that Designs. There’s a difference. I’m proud that I’ve managed to cobble together a Wordpress template with sliding jQuery panels and sIFR. No, it doesn’t link to Digg or Twitter for realsies. I have the Digg part working, but I haven’t been able to figure out the Twitter part. I need it to:

1. Generate a shortened URL using ow.ly, bit.ly, or some other short URL generator
2. Open Twitter in a new window
3. Tell Twitter to put the shortened URL into the Tweet window

That doesn’t sound that hard, does it? Well Google is giving me nothing. I’d love to know how…

Which reminds me? Can anyone comment? I think I enabled it, but if all you’re going to do is offer me penis medication, I’m good, thanks. In fact, fuck right off.

I suppose after that I’ll redesign the look and/or feel. By then I should have a style idea.