Monday, November 8, 2004 – 5:43 pm

Full Speed Ahead

Some people, when I tell them I’m going back to work, ask how many days a week I plan on working. When I reply with 5 I’m usually met with some kind of astonished or bewildered look. Yes, I’m going back full time. No, I don’t feel sick any more. Yes, I still have treatment to go through. No, it’s really not that bad.

Of course, whenever I do something, it’s typically in the “balls to the wall” kind of mentality that can only come with years of diligent work in the field of “overdoingness”. It’s not just enough that I go back to work, no. I have to go back to work full-time, and get my ass on a bus every day to the Cancer clinic for radiation, and get to my doctor’s appointments that are for some reason at the OTHER hospital, and try to do normal other things like eat and sleep.

Like today, for instance. I managed to put in a full day at work of reunion and restarting (not to mention reloading software), bus my sorry butt to the clinic, get irradiated, bus home, do the dishes, clean up the house, and get ready to do it all over again. I should be wearing myself out, but if anyone knows me they’ll know that this level of overactivity only spurs me on to do more.

I like being productive again. I like being able to say I DID something of worth and made me feel worthy. I’m embracing my “normal” life once again, and I don’t intend on letting a little thing like radiation get in the way. Cancer at this point is no longer an obstacle or a threat, it’s an inconvenience.

Plus, having a brand new iMac G5 at work is a pretty good reason to go back. Oh my God that thing is gorgeous….