Sunday, September 19, 2004 – 1:36 am

Star Wars Trilogy Limited Super-Special Edition Redux Version 2K4

For all of you who are Star Wars fans, I’d like to point out that the Almighty George Lucas has once again dug up the corpses of Episodes 4, 5 and 6 and given them a right-good fucking with. That man just doesn’t know when to leave something that’s complete ALONE. For those that are buying the new DVD Trilogy on Tuesday, watch for the following new…”alterations”:

  1. The original Emperor in Episode 5 has been replaced with the “real” Emperor from Episodes 1, 2 and 6. Originally the actor didn’t look anything like the actor from Return of the Jedi. I’ll give Lucas this one, because it always kind of bothered me.
  2. Boba Fett now has an Aussie accent, just like his father from Episode 2! This one is just OBSCENE…but Go Continuity.
  3. The red lightsaber that Darth Vader wields now has the same “evil” whooshing sound that Darth Maul and Darth Siddius have on their lightsabers. It’s very subtle, but when their lightsabers power up, it’s a different sound than the “good” colour lightsabers. Is this really necessary?
  4. Probably the most obvious (and I think the worst) alteration is at the very end of Return of the Jedi. Luke looks over during the end “party” scene to see Obi-Wan, Yoda, and his father as ghosts looking on. For SOME reason (I argue insanity) Lucas has replaced the original actor who played Anakin Skywalker with HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN. WHY, GOD…I mean…LUCAS…WHY!!!?? It just doesn’t make any sense.

I predict for the next round of revisions, the puppet Yoda will disappear and be replaced by the Digital Yoda. Oh, and the actor that played the original Anakin will be digitally edited to be Hayden Christensen. I pity the original actor and his shrinking royalty cheques. And when they can resurrect Alec Guinness from his grave, they’ll re-do the dialogue where Obi-Wan says he was Yoda’s apprentice (Because we now know that he was Qui-Gon’s).

Mood: Biggest. Geek. Ever.